Choose whether or not "No" means "No"

This is a new choice I am learning, just now when I am in my thirties. All my life, when told "no", I took the answer and moved on. I was then left with the feeling of sadness, anger, or disappointment. I have learned recently that "no" doesn't always mean that.

Now, I think there is a fine line that you have to be careful about when you choose to fight the answer given to you. There are definately times where it is not worth your time or relationships to fight for what you want, so you need to think real hard. However, if you have taken the time to think it through, you are not happy with the reply given, and strongly believe in fighting the answer (or it won't be a big deal to try to change the situation); I'm learning, go for it! Remember it is a gamble, you may fight for a different outcome and still get the same answer as before, but you may not.

There are some people who have this one down! In all honesty, some of them know how to "work it" so well, it almost annoys me. I am learning though, that by actually fighting for some things that won't hurt anyone, it can come out to benefit you. So, don't always take the answer "no" as the end and that is final....you just might find out otherwise.

Choose to Play the Game or Not?

Ok, I want people's advice on this one, so I hope it gets read!

There is a game in life where you have to work to get ahead. I'm not stupid, I know it is out there and have often played it, to be honest, often lose too. This is the game where you may have to put more effort in doing things you might not believe needs to be done, but know that if you do, you can get to the top. It means using people or "networking" to get ahead. Many people play this game, it sometimes involves thinking of yourself more than others. It can also involve hurting others feelings.

So I have recently been in the position to play the game. What makes it complicated is that this time it involves my daughter. I know I played the game some, I got involved in conversations and tried playing. I chose at a point to stop playing or playing so hard, and I thought in the end, the long term, not playing, it would be okay?

Now I am in a position seeing my daughter upset....again and it is because I did not play the game as hard as I knew I could. Should I have played harder? There was no gurantee that if I did, I would have won and my daughter would have been on top. Like I said, I'm not very good at the game, never was very competitive ;) I don't believe I would have had to do anything dishonest (which some people have done in this game) or throw anyone under the bus. All I had to do was fight harder, maybe what I believe as true in the backlines and go with the flow. I believed that in the end right would triumph wrong. Heck, in the long run, it might. Just feels crummy right now.

So I guess the question is, when it comes to your child, is it worth putting your beliefs aside to further your child. In my heart, I know the answer is no. Even if it is a small game that seems so big right now, I believe the answer is no. I don't know if I'm right and don't feel great, but I'm hoping in the end it all works out.

Choose to not take it personally or be too sensitive

This is another hard one for me, especially those who know me! I am a person who is way too sensitive, have been all my life. Not that being sensitive is a bad thing! But, too much of it can make your life less enjoyable!

I believe there are times in my life that I am over sensitive from a comment or action and I take personally and am hurt! Even worse, I am sometimes angry. Anger never helps anything and only creates drama. Drama also comes with the being very sensitive and taking things personally. Drama is subject for later.

Bottom line, I truly believe (and hope) that most people are not out there thinking of how they can hurt your feelings! Therefore, when you hear a comment or action that hurts you, you have options. You can get angry (really doesn't help, only wastes your time), you can confront (do this if it a true friend and worth it) so you make your relationship stronger by understanding each other better, or you can let it slide (don't be a pushover though, unfortunately there really are some that are mean, and if it continues to happen, learn your lesson and stay away).

So in the end, think good of people. Give people the benefit of the doubt and let the words or action go by. I believe we are a society that struggles with thinking before we speak (I am guilty of it too). Know that sometimes things are done without evil intentions. Believe in the good :)

Choose Never to Say "Never"

I have in my life, said "never" on occasion, and I am amazed when I find myself in a position where I'm having to look at myself and admit I should not have said "never!"

It makes me think of the times when we were growing up, or when I am telling my own children, don't say "hate", you may say "dislike", but don't say "hate!" Well, don't say "never", you may mean well, may even really believe it, but don't say "never!"

So today I find myself in a position where I really want to say "never!" Yet I know that I have been in these situations before, and "never" meant, not for a long time. I feel as if later down the road something may have changed and all of a sudden, I'm doing my "never." Not only do I find myself regretting saying "I will never...", but others remember my "never" and my own children will have reason to ponder, didn't mom say "never?"

It goes along with the don't threaten your child with a consequence if you know you won't follow through. I've done that before too :) Of course that's a whole different story... It all comes in learning lessons and choices you make in your life.

Thankfully I have a God that is forgiving and knows that my "nevers" mean, not at this moment! Can you imagine if we were kept accountable of all the times we have said "never?" Yikes, hope noone is keeping count of mine!

So, today I feel as if I want to say "never!", but I won't. I have learned my lessons, and I know that my "never", may one day in my future be a possiblity. So I'm going to say I will have to think and pray hard about it, but, I'm not saying "never", because only God knows ;)